[I am publishing this without Horyon's go ahead. So it may get modified in the future where my memory has failed me.]
December always ends up being a messy month, and December of 2022 was no exception.
But it had one piece of fantastic news: Horyon is officially in remission from breast cancer!
I do need to back up to summer, though. Horyon had planned to go back to teaching in the fall semester of 2022. It was a neat little plan that she had made as soon as she found out that she wouldn't need the harsh radiation or chemotherapy treatments for her cancer, just surgery and long-term hormone suppression treatments. (Which, by the way, she will continue to take four times a year in 2023, as well as official tests twice a year.)
To go back to her job, she needed an official document from her doctors in Seoul, so she went to an appointment in July and asked for it. The doctor told her that he would not give her the document, because she was still in treatment. The stress from working would make it much more likely that she would get cancer again. If her financial situation was that desperate, he would give a provisional paper which acknowledged that her risk of cancer was increased, likely screwing up future insurance claims if she did get it.
When she told me about this, I was sure that it would be a struggle for her to accept. I thought that she would look for loopholes, try to get the doctor to change his mind. I thought she might even just insist on getting the provisional paper.
But she didn't do any of that. She conceded immediately. It didn't even take her more than a day to get over the decision. I found this remarkable, To understand why, I will briefly revisit the first year of our marriage:
The year is 2001, which used to seem like the far future to me, the year of the Space Odyssey, when we would have colonies on the moon and commercial space flights and the first manned expedition to Jupiter would be just around the corner. We got married on February 17th of 2001, and both of us had given notice at our respective jobs in the weeks before. Right after the wedding finished, while we were having photos taken, Rick VanManen told me that when I got back from my honeymoon I should come interview at Kosin University. I did, and they hired me, and I went right to work in March (without a proper visa, which they delayed doing the paperwork on for... never mind).
Horyon decided to be a housewife. At the time it seemed like a fine idea: my salary was enough for us to live well enough in the furnished apartment that Kosin provided. Horyon bought her first sewing machine and quickly moved from hobby to obsession. After about three months of this, she was going a bit stir-crazy. Taking care of a home and sewing just wasn't enough for this woman that had been working non-stop since before middle school. She had to have something less squishy than me to focus on. So she got a job at a hagwon, prepping students for big English tests. She was good at it, though she didn't enjoy it very much. And it was in an inconvenient neighborhood for coming home late at night. After a few months of that, we quit. And by we, I mean that I went with her to her manager and told him that I didn't want her to work there anymore. It was the most bizarre cultural adaptation thing I have ever done, and I used to live in Nepal.
She went job hunting, and started back at a middle school the next spring. Her experiment with unemployment was finished, and the results were conclusive: she couldn't do it.
Horyon actually reminds me of my parents. They both retired from their regular jobs years ago, but they are constantly busy with one thing or another. Mom is in a number of groups that work to make the community better, Dad is always working on a small (or large) construction project to help someone who needs it, and they both spend a few hours a week at church, with choir practice and different committee meetings.
Whereas I, if left to my own devices, will spend the day compressing the seat of my desk chair. I'll do some writing on a good day (and hey, it's New Year's Day 2023, so why not resolve to do that more? So far so good!), and taking in some video on even better days. (I must recommend "Glass Onion: a Knives Out Mystery. Top tier story telling. Very entertaining.)
Horyon spent the year much better than I would have: she took up yoga, overhauled her (and our family's) diet, spent a lot of time with friends, and eventually...
She took a job teaching English at the kids' school. The school lost a couple of English teachers, and asked us to fill in. She taught about five hours a week, which is not a huge number of hours, but it was elementary and Waldorf and totally outside of her wheelhouse. Of course, she dove in, spent hours preparing, and knocked it out of the park. It was nowhere near the time she would have spent as a high school teacher, but it wasn't exactly relaxing around the house, either.
Speaking of not being relaxing around the house, for about 10 years, we had been accustomed to Horyon having only a couple of weeks off during summer and again in the winter. Those were exciting vacations, the time that we could drive to Kyungju, have special meals, do family stuff. We all got used to it. Having her around all the time has required a rebalance of our lives, one which we have now grown accustomed to. And we will all have to get accustomed to a new/old balance again. Because as of January 1st, 2023 Horyon is back in the employment of Dongsung Boys High School. Soon she will go back to work.
